Title this post

I hate my job!
There's no other way to say that but THAT's not even why I'm writing this post.
Well clearly, a lot has changed with me since the lst time i posted on this blog. If not anything at all, at least i type faster. yayy me! I got a blackberry. I dont even know if thats a good thing now because i keep pressing the shift key before my numbers on my pc and im actually surprised that im getting symbols. If you noticed, "i", "dont", "im" "thats" do not appear appropriate because i expect that my pc would be sensible enough to put them appropriately. It is not, obviously.
But then, a lot really has happened.
Still, that's not why I'm writing this post. Maybe i'll talk about the changes in another post. Just not this one. Oh and..by the way, i'm a corps member now. Yea..  I graduated.

This night has been a night of nights. Made me see and indeed feel how you can strongly feel an emotion at one time and yet strongly feel the opposite in the very next one.
I watched "The pursuit of happyness' for the first time since 1980 when it came out and it depressed me. Totally.
I was just overwhelmed by this really strong emotion and I cried from deep within. I laughed the next moment. Then I cried again and I cried again until a part of me felt that I had lost someone. Emphasis on "felt". See, overtime, I have learnt that I am not my feelings and my feelings are not me. I may feel one thing but that doesn't mean that i should do t6hat thing or allow that thing...whatever it is to become my reality.

I live alone. This was solely my choice.
I didn't want the cares of having a roommate that may not be a good person to live with al the time. I actually had very good reasons for not opting to have one but they all seem elusive this night. My fingers can't quite type one out. But it's alright. I don't have one anyway.

Let me describe my house.
It's a spacious self-con. Room, sitting room, bathroom+toilet and kitchen.
I live in my room. the sitting room houses my fridge and my two travelling bags. Nothing more. No wonder I've been trying to get the echo out of the space for a month. I mean. I LIVE HERE!!!
I bet that would come back to me if i yelled it out in my sitting room like it's some sorta re-affirmation. A time-stamp.
It's lonely.

So I cried so hard that I screamed in my head and out loud that I WANT TO WIN!
I cower in the face of competitions. Whenever we watched Who wants to be a millionaire and at the end of it, those ridiculously stupidly cheap questions come up, i refuse to play. Not because I don't have airtime, no. Just because i thought I would not win. Those things that mtn and the rest would do and say send this to so-so number for 100bucks and stand a chance to win this and this..I have never read those messages twice.
I just don't bother.

Recently, a competition came up and I looked deep within myself, took a week to convince myself that i was going to do it and I did. The competition is still on...and I'm winning it.
When Will Smith was told that "I hope you'll wear a shirt tomorrow for your first day"...i may have paraphrased a little but it's the part of the movie when he got the job out of 19 other interns, I cried harder and confirmed to myself..."I WILL WIN".
The best part is that I believe it.
He said: "this part of my life is called happiness".
I deserve to be happy too.

Amidst tears, I picked up my bible and opened to where my book marker was. It was Isaiah 14. I read it. It spoke of how lucifer was fallen and how hell rejoiced or something like that. A footnote was for "lucifer" and it literally meant "Day star". I remembered that Day star is the name of a church but unsure of where I was going with the thought, I dropped it.

I stood up, now my tears had dried and I picked up the mirror, half expecting to see a huge smudge of the purple eyeshadow and black eyeliner I wore during the day on my cheeks. But I saw only the path of the free fallen tears. It had dried now. There was no messy discoloration on my face.
The eyeliner was waterproof.


P.s: I feel so much better letting this all out. I think I'm leaving this post unedited. I wrote it in-the-moment. I don't want to ruin that.

This too, shall pass.

*clears throat*
This is just too weird. I feel like a fish on dry land being here.
Wait a minute,
The dry land used to be a pool!
It dried up!!!
O_O

Oh well, life happens.
I'm about 2weeks away from rounding off my University education and like a man going through a mid-life crisis, I've been wondering and thinking about a lot of things.
Have I really been educated in these 3years?
Have I learnt what would sustain me in the "outside world"?
Has it, really, been worth the while?!

Whatever answers I come with, I hope they justify my stay here.
For now, I HAVE to complete my final year thesis else, they won't let me leave here. :(
This too, shall pass.
And very soon too!

Crap Facebook allows

If you want to speak of random; extremely random messages people receive on Facebook, Please, come and read from mine. It's just that I would have deleted such messages before remembering that...Hey, I could've blogged about that y'know?
Anyway, the one I'm about to post is one of such randoms. Here:

                                                                          ***

"what up,how are you,my name is Ahmed,i work with the American embassy as a agent,so i am
sending you this mail to tell you that i will like to be your good friend,baby to say the truth you
are good looking.and the best of all,so baby will like to here from you soon,and let get to know
each other better.thanks.you can call me 07039******
And i don't no if you like to school in American,there is and international scholarships going on for Nigeria student and other Africa student to study and work,you don't need to pay for your schooling,feeding and ticket to America,just want to update you as a friend,just give me a call or text me if you like to apply.
get more information on this web site b4 you call me
study abroad.com/scholarships.asps
life is all about giving the best of your self to people around you,i believe getting the best for your life and education is all you need.
Hope to hear from you,and take care of your self,you are looking sweat and to say,you are one of the best on face book,thanks and bless you"

                                                                         ***
I hid his number on purpose.
And I will definitely like to school in "American". Won't you? The offer is almost irresistible given that there "is" international scholarships going on for "Nigeria student and other Africa student"!
Oh..and he'll like to "here" from me because he is "a" agent.
He believes getting the best for my life and education is all I need. Now he would know that wouldn't he?

And am I not just "sweat" looking?

The thin line between...

...Updates and stalking!
The line is so thin, it's almost nonexistent! Of course it's perfectly normal to check anonymously on a friend's life once in a while. I mean, I totally do it. The internet has really permitted it these days.
Not like it just started anyway though but...
Anyway,
The watchword is "don't get caught". Seriously.
The moment you start mentioning in conversations things that you should only know through anonymous stalking, do two things:
1. Stop it.
2. Friggin' stop it!
It's not cool.

In other news, I just woke up [02:30am] and I wish a less disgusting situation did the honors. There's no good way to say this so I'm just gonna say it...
The sound of my roommate's urine hitting a hard substance woke me up.
And no, it wasn't her bed. It was the rug!!!
Well, not on the cushion-y rug surface though; it was in a bowl but WTH?? She came up with the excuse of the toilet being far and it was dark but cam'aaaaan!
Gosh, I don't think I can look at her the same way again. I mean, I put my pillow on that rug and sleep y'know?
The babe no just try, at all.

Aanyway,
I've being getting pretty entrepreneurial these days :D
Maybe I'll post some pictures when I'm ready.
Money is coming my way........
and..
I'm out!

My man...frankly and honestly speaking.

I've seen/read/forwarded very many articles on what men and women want from each other. Articles like "top 5 things men need in women" have presented themselves on different desktop backgrounds, prints, and colours. I just read nonchalantly, laughing every once in a while at the evidently outrageous items checklisted as essential in a man/woman's list. And that's it. I just read and move on. Not once have I taken the time to prioritise or take note as such. It's all just been in my head.

My wants/needs have changed over the years owing to age and maturity, exposure and my spiritual growth. At some point, it was tall, dark and handsome, at another it was whatever my friend thought she wanted in a man. But then I realised that Seriously, this, right here, is my life. Whatever my friend wants or thinks doesn't cut it mehn. No be joke matter.
I'll list 5 in order of importance. Just 5.

1. God! He has to be wholly immersed in a pursuit of a deep(er) relationship with God. In fact, his walk with God should have gone really far. No baby christians please. I've come to realise that if one is not standing for God, he would fall for anything. The spirit of God in a person's life makes the difference between an ordinary man/life and a great man/life. Having a relationship with God will inhibit you from cheating, lying and other vices that could be picked up along the way. Also, since the spirit of God gives direction, he'll know where he's coming from, where he's going, and what to do when he gets there.

2. Goal. He has to know what he wants to do and not be a passive wanderer. Nothing amuses me more in relating with the opposite sex that listening to well ordered stream of thoughts on the next line of action. It really thrills me to listen to someone who has control of his life. The sweet talker is exempted from this list though. He is the one that would go on and on about plans without so much as the gusto or drive to take the first step.

2. No, the numbering is not a mistake. I'm not sure I should give intelligence a whole number of its own because I feel it's somewhat embedded in the point above. I mean, really, if u are not intelligent, how can u sit down and even start to plan anything beyond what's for dinner?!

The other part of intelligence which may not be included in the first part is general knowledge. I'm not saying be a living wikipedia though because that would just be downright freaky. Abeg when you're smart, you're smart. Being so is a real conversation driver. I could be a chatterbox when the person I'm talking with is. Since I do not gossip, intellectual convos make a big part of whatever talks we can ever have. I like to feel like I know so much but I'm cowered and challenged to know more when I see or associate with someone who is well grounded.

2. Please speak good English, abeg.

3. Must be a sweet, unpretentious lover. Sensitive, gentle and soft-spoken[I can't be with a shouter], a really cool voice will be a bonus although it's not a priority; there are more important things to want. Really. Emotional intelligence is almost as important as being intellectually sound. Strong willed but still situationally malleable.

4. Good looks. Why does an item that tops the list for some other people come as the fourth for me? One answer: It's because good looks without 1, 2 and 3 does not make any sense at all. I'm really not saying that I'll do an ugly person. Heck even the definition of ugly sef is relative. Fairly good looks would suffice at least. Don't worry, my beauty will rub off on our seeds.(:-p) That  I can look at you and smile contentedly is enough for me. And Yes, there has to be the physical attraction. Abeg, body no be firewood.

5. A good dress sense. Please do not show up on a date with Bahamas shorts and striped shirt. Which kind life na? The ability to put two or more items together to make a good outfit would do. I'm not saying dress like Oscar de la renta. No need. That one is overdo and I could tag it as vanity.
However, if number 5 is the only thing that spoils the list, fack it. The only constant thing in life is change. You go learn na.

So, that's it. I think it looks better in writing than having blurred boundaries in my head.
And that's my top 5. My own adaptation of the popular scripture would be "seek ye first the 5 things above and every over thing shall be added unto you"

it's a wrap.
I'm out.

It's him!!!!!

I swear, it's him.
Really.
Yea well..."the feeling you feel you're feeli.."
Whatever!!!
This might be my most uncoordinated post in a while. *sigh*
*shrugs anyway*
My body agrees. My mind does too!

Ok. I gotta stop rambling.
I'm out!

______ FIGHTER!!

Hot night.
Tired regardless. I barely had put off my clothes before I hit the bed. The heat won't allow me leave anything decent on.
Who cares though?
Why is it called my room if I can't be clad in what would otherwise be called indecent to go to sleep?
02:03am
Something flew past my body.
It's surprising how interference/sounds from the immediate environment can totally pull you off from a journey you've been on for...4hours? Surprising and terrible.
What nauseating guts!
Only one thing can do that...
.
Cockroach!!!

Madly irritating stuff. I'm still not over the story that a friend told me of how a cockroach entered her ear in the middle of the night and danced inside till it eventually died.
The doctors had to intervene. They flushed the sonofabitch out. But not until the thing had dismantled and caused a swelling in the ear.
Imagine???!!!!
Talk about an out-of-body experience.
I'm even still grossed out right now, typing this and envisioning the whole thing.
It's been 4years already. But still..

*
What's the business of a cockroach with flying??!
It's like endowing a 3-year old with the privileges of knowing how to drive or no, fly a plane..
I can't even think of a worse illustration right now.
 A darn cockroach just flew past me and pulled me out of my 4hour sleep. 

cussing under my breath

This thing get mind o. E no even fear.
In all my life, I've not found anything as repugnant as this thing. And that smell it gives off...!
*silent scream*
I had to kill it. It's the only way. Only option. Except I want to sleep at the risk of the thing coming back to play tinko-tinko on my body.
Never!
In one swift movement, I reach for the lamp and the broom at the corner of the door.
(You should have already guessed that there was no electricity. Yep, that's my country.)
Armed with sufficient paraphernalia, I wait.
I wait for it to make its mistake and show up then I'll show it what anger means..
Lashing my weapon with such force as an axe on a piece of wood, that's what.
Big time anger.

02:40am
This thing has totally robbed me of sleep. My precious sleep!
I see it!
[insert appropriate broom-madly-hitting-the-floor sound here]
Had to be dead.
Is it?
clenched fist victory sign
Swept out of my room and away.
That had to be the only one. Whew. Should sleep now.
*Proceeds to drop the curtain*
OH MY....
*runs to get the broom again*
This had to be the worst night in a while. I mean, I know of fire-fighters. Heck, everyone knows the crime-fighters. How in the world then can you categorize someone who from a sound sleep suddenly becomes armed with weapons with reflex and sensitivity as sharp as heaven-knows-what, hunting some friggin'. smelly. irritating. FLYING. creature? Ehn?
goes to the bathroom to wash hands
That just had to be all. Third night in a row sleeping in this room after 2 months and I can't get a decent one?
finally lays bed again and..
Something croons irritatingly past my left ear.
Mosquito.
Oh mehnnnnnnn!!!!!
Kai.
Shoot me.