Life Happens

"...but for the rest of us,

every now and then,

Life happens..."

Fred Hammond, Intro, Simply Put.

I need a car.
That's more of a declaration than a request though. It really is about time...
right after I learn how to drive!
I'm sure I'm just about the only person my age left in this generation that doesn't know how to drive.

My post before the last was about my not so pleasant ordeal on a commercial motorcycle. This one is a mixture of sorts but still, with public transport.
See the reason for my declaration? No?
Keep reading.

Bright Saturday
I'm not sure of the tense that I should write this in. Whichever one comes to my hands, I shall use.
My friend's sister's introduction is today and I'm all giddy. Since Friday. The introduction is supposed to be the formal announcement of the wedding proposal. I think?
Anyway, it's when the groom's family visits the bride's, bearing gifts ranging from fruits to biscuits and...yea.

Saturday mornings, albeit bright, almost always start the same way for me every week. I clean. And I wash too. I'm used to this pretty much now. Oh and I almost never go out 'cos It's also my stay at home day.
But this one's different.

After the morning regulars, I decide to look really good and go for some leadership seminar I made a mental note to attend yesterday. My draggy approach to the "regulars" resulted in my dressing up late; So late I decided against going for the seminar. I was pretty sure they would be rounding things up and the venue was not exactly close to my house.
So, yea.

The good news though was that the day was still packed full with stuff to do. One was church. Apparently, there was supposed to be a youth program that I hadn't considered going for. Well there was time now so I went. I don't think I had stayed five minutes when I realised that I couldn't stay for the program.

Or maybe I didn't want to is more appropriate.

I left after 15minutes. The first 5 minutes, I realised I couldn't stay. The next 6 minutes, I mentally organised my movement. The remaining 4 minutes, I planned on how to ease out of the venue without attracting attention. There was no way I was gonna do that though so I just left anyway.

Life can be a female dog
Seriously.
Part of the mentally organised movement was to go get some paraphernalia for my laptop - microphone and webcam.
So I went to the computer hardware store and I got them it. I forgot to get the webcam.
Who still uses a webcam-less lappy in this generation sef?
*my right hand goes up*
So what?

I also got a new pair of shoes. That wasn't part of the plan though but it was preeeeetty! The heels are so high, they made my other high-heeled shoes look like mid-heels.
But all these were the good parts.

Some 1hour before, I was totally freaking out and acting unsaved.
The dress I chose to wear is white in colour and elegantly sits some 2 inches above my knees.
'twas really pretty.
The cabs here take two in front so I got in first (there's really sth about being the first isn't there?) and someone else - an old woman - came in. The seatbelt hooker kept poking me from under (yep, under) so the driver decides to ameliorate my discomfort by putting a piece of cloth underneath while I sink into my new found solace.

My dress is white, remember.

I get to my stop and I just randomly checked my behind to make sure it was still white.
This was why I freaked out...
My dress had a really huge palm oil stain behind; really huge!
I was petrified!!!

The aged driver was really apologetic and said something about petrol that my freaked out mind could not immediately decipher. Where was I supposed to go? The thing was so darn conspicuous.
So the driver disappears and comes back a minute later with a mouth full of petrol.
"How do you expect me to pour petrol on myself?" I asked.
The only passenger left in the cab felt no shame in telling me how sorry she was.

Then I look again at my "white dress" and thought: "what really have I got to lose? If he says it's gonna work, then fine". I sacrifised my hanky on the altar of petrol  and rubbed it on my dress like life depended on it.
Then it happened...

My dress tore!

No that was a joke. It left! just like that! Like nothing that looked like palm oil was ever there! Just in an instant.

I would later laugh at myself and regret having freaked out so much in the first place. You'll never know the limit of your tolerance if everything always goes with the plans in your life.
What's there to gain in freaking out and acting unsaved?
Nothing. nothing except remorse.

I later watched a real mad man act like he is at close range.
Bloody scary.
He later turned to me and said:
"how are you, fine girl".
Still scary. Maybe surprisingly so. It made me wonder that how mad really is mad?

Back to my declaration:
I need a car.
Seriously.
I dare not imagine what my next ordeal will be with public transport.

Say nothing, really.

Me, I'm not an angry person.

Never have been, never will be.
People will just be trying to step on some delicate nerves.
It's okay hunay, you really, really do not have to say anything.
Seriously.

It is no longer news that weight talks could very well be the most delicate topic to talk about with a girl.
People knOw hunay. Heck, that's why it's no longer news.
What planet have you been on?!

The end of session break which ordinarily would last for a little over a month dragged on for 4 months.
No thanks to ASUU.
It felt good not being a student though...earning my own money, dressing all corporate and fancy and all..

Aaanyway,

Resuming school only means that you'll be reuniting with some oddly old faces.
Yep. Old.
4 months is a long time mehn. A preggie woman would be in her second trimester. The baby's heart is beating already(in fact, since) and an ultra sound would be pretty amusing to watch.

I'm rambling.

So, seeing old faces.
Convos revolve around a lot of questions. Plenty of them.
"How was your break?"
"Where did you go/spend it?"
"When did you come?"
"Have you seen [insert name here]?"

And then others:
"Is this your face?" (before nko?) "Are you serious?" (about what abeg?)
"Ah, ahn, you're looking fresh oh, home is good".
"Look at you, hmm, fresh girl."
"You're now fatter oh".

*tyres screeching*

Oya hold it!. Hold it right there!
Did you actually have to insert that last line?? If the conversation has run its course, why can't both parties just grunt, say bye and shake their bums?

Okay scratch the shake part.

But seriously, why ruin a pretty bland conversation with an apparent nonchalance and a runny okra-like tongue/mouth.

I'm not angry. Yet.

Truth is bitter abi? What can you say about lies?
4 months is totally long enough to pick up a couple of extra pounds, agreeably, but what if the only thing you've done in said time is:
drastically reduce food intakes,
peel the succulent (oh yea..*dreamy eyes*) skin of chicken away before consumption due to its high fat content,
have fruits sef as a whole meal,
have dinner before 7:30pm or skip it altogether.
Ehn??

I did all of that and then some. I even registered at the gym sef for a whole month!
I didn't last two weeks though.
That thing is hard mehn.
Working out that is.

Lemme at this point say that I'm not overweight. I checked my BMI on WeightWatchers and I'm good.
I can even work a size10 dress and a size8 top sef.
Don't judge me now o, before you'll be wondering what I'm fussing about. I'll tell you.

It's the ass. Size12, baby!

Lemme also add that I'm not an advocate of runway models kin' size. Never.
Look healthy abeg.
I just really think that ladies should be in a comfortable weight. The confidence that gives can only be imagined.

Sooo, moving on.

With all that self restraint and apparent hardwork, I did get to my comfortable weight. And my insanely attractive flat belle came back. Yep. Big belle was kicked out. Out!

In school, I feed on terrible things. I snack everyday on sweet, meaningless chow with a bottle of fruit juice every other day, if I happen to get to my room by 11:59pm after a very long day, i'll have my really-thick-milk and cereal dinner and sleep off before I drop the bowl. If I happen to be studying into the night, the mouth keeps moving and clicking away. The half filled dustbin and the bloated self would tell the tale of what went down come dawn.

At home, none of that happens. Abi why would I be studying into the night now? For what?
So I did lose some weight.
And then some people will be opening their mouths wide the size of a giant yawn and tell me "aww...you grew fatter".

No hunay, your eyeballs grew bigger!
Would it hurt to just say nothing?
:p