The okada rider, me, and the one minute man

[dstv voice]

The following post is going to be 65% naija english and cuss. The rest tends towards linguistic correctness. You have been warned.

13th Feb.
See me see yawa o. I just dey go work on my own ni jeje o. When you're in a city where you get to your destination faster with Okada than with cabs, wetin woman go do now?
Okada all the way ni mehn.

So, i'm clad in a shirt neatly tucked into a black skirt, with a grey jacket. Thank God for the colours I chose O. You'll soon find out why.

As it is, the okada riders would not leave the park until they have two passengers. In other words, full load. Shey it's two passengers they want? Issokay, lemme be in the middle na since i'm putting on a skirt. The other passenger happened to be a guy.

True True, being wedged in-between two guys doesn't exactly bother me. Why?
 1. It reduces the likelihood that I would fall off the bike so I don't mind; and
 2. It saves me from raising my skirt all the way to where my undies would otherwise start from. Between being a sandwich filling and raising my skirt thigh high, the former is the less of the evils so nah, I really don't mind.

Unpacked peckers.
Those, I hate. Too much.
It's what makes being a sandwich filling less than amusing but what choice do I have really when what I have on is an unyielding skirt.

Pay for two people abi? I hear you.

So the other passenger climbs on and the first thing I feel is a flexible rod-like thing slapping me from behind.
Kilode sef? Ehn?
Abeg Oga, pack well jo.
Shouldnt the friggin' pecker be packed well ni? Abi how would it be if girls went about without bras. Hian.

That one is even still pardonable sef. Me, I'm tolerant o. Kai. Especially when clad in skirts.
It's when we hit the bumps that my tolerance level plummets. The untamed things lash out uncontrollably. It's like jangilófà ëpömótò.

Pack your facking pecker man!

*
So the other passenger climbs on and he lashes me with his untamed fack machine. I no talk o. The guy just dey jerk forward ni sha, some 5minutes into the "journey". My head tells me he's falling off and he's only trying to sit well.

My mind tells me otherwise.

But then, this one ride is different from all other ones that I've been a sandwich filling. Strange even. I could feel the dude's kini all the way. I still no talk o. I blame myself so much now.

For some funny reason, my thoughts wondered off to the carpenter guy that was sent to jail for ejaculating on a woman's body(dress) during the national elections last year. Story here.
I stifled one kin' laughter like that saying "that one no fit be me" to myself.

The guy gets to his destination and rather than move towards the okada rider to pay, he stretches the money from behind. This time around, my mind and my head are in sync and kia kia, I checked my jacket behind and what do I see?
.
..
...
facking sticky, smelly, shit! Yep, I smelt it.
Say eww.

The facking guy had emitted facking cum from his facking pecker onto my jacket.
Heh. Egba mi ke!

Before I could do anything, the dude had crossed to the other side of the road. What was I supposed to do?
Scream abi? So that everybody will now gather and I would have to tell the tale. No, thank you, I'll pass.
Imagine! I did not have sex O and I still managed to have cum on myself!

So I went to work with my cummy jacket and went straight to the bathroom. In fact, my mind was just too busy to react/worry/[insert appropriate verb]. I just wanted to wash the facking sticky thing off my jacket.
And the reason I thanked God for the colour of jacket that I wore is just that. Grey. What if it was some bright colour Ehn?

The dude did me. Did me without my consent. Facking dry humped my behind. How does anybody even cum with such little contact sef ehn?

Olóshì.

Vals came early for him.

I would later fall into deep hysteria and impulsively check google for direct sentences such as:
"can one contact HIV by touching semen"
"effects of touching semen"

*
Na wa for men wey no fit hold themselves sef.
Moral of the story: never be a sandwich filling ever again.
If I cant sit at the back, na to pay for two people be that o.

Kai.

This kin' post-subsidy era wey we dey so.